Nanny Diaries: Trading Bestsellers for Baby Bottles

A few weeks ago, I had some honest-to-God conversations about where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I came to a heartfelt conclusion that it was time to put a pause on publishing to pursue some deeper passions that I haven’t always voiced out loud.

On a double date with my sister and her new beau, we spoke about jobs or careers we would pursue if money weren’t a thing. Their choices echoed in my mind for weeks, setting something in motion I wouldn’t have seen coming if God had put it in cosmic capital letters.

A housewife, (go sister go)

A captain on a boat,

A chef on the beach,

And not thinking too much of it, I said... a nanny.

Had I known these words would have materialized at the speed of light, I may have opted for billionaire stay-at-home mama. But babysitter felt like a very close and fulfilling second—and, before I knew it, something big was set into motion.

At the time, I had been questioning my choices as a publisher, having published close to a hundred books over my seven-year career in the book industry. I was increasingly leaving behind my once-beloved business and wondering what, oh what, I would be doing with my creative potential going forward.

Totally forgetting about what I said, yet still feeling the joyful weight of my newly discovered dream, I made some decisions in my business that would soon trail me on a totally different trajectory.

I must disclose, before diving into the deep, that God really does hear our silent longings. After weeks of transitioning out of the book space, I found myself with an enormous amount of time and energy.

Within weeks, a shift had taken place. My sister-in-law approached me about her two-month-old son. She was in the thick of her postpartum season and needed some extra help. Thus, I found myself stepping into a role that felt both wildly unfamiliar yet intuitively right. It was the perfect time and opportunity to dive into all the things about life and motherhood I longed to explore.

The job started almost immediately, and after a few conversations and a couple of days of training, it was as if I had been unconsciously moving toward this all along. The first few days were filled with learning the routines, adding just the right amount of water to formula, sterilizing bottles and ‘gigettos,’ and, of course, learning to soothe a little stranger.

My conclusion: Nothing teaches you to adapt faster than going from a happy baby to a hurling one. And, after nearly a month of nannying around, I must say that this might, quite possibly, be the best job I ever had.

Often, on my evening drive home, I praise and wonder, ‘Am I really getting paid for this?’ After months of struggling to feel connected to my purpose and letting go of my cherished business, I am floored by how fulfilled and productive I feel changing diapers.

To me, holding, soothing, and witnessing the first flickers of consciousness in a tiny human have renewed my raison d'être in a way that formatting and editing have never. Even the high of a bestseller doesn’t compare to the cellular gratification that comes with caring for a little one. In all this joy, I easily came to terms with the change of status—something I thought would linger longer than it did.

On the first few nights before starting this job, I contemplated what the industry would think of me. Being an entrepreneur in a dual-entrepreneur household, I spent a few sleepless nights stressing about not being a ‘CEO’ anymore. I used to take absurd amounts of pride in my job title—‘bestselling publisher’ became a brick-solid part of my identity. And when I imagined people asking what I did... was ‘nanny’ really the job description I wanted plastered on social media?

It soon occurred to me that in a world that weighs success on productivity, profit, and boss-babe titles, I had to make peace with the stillness of simply being here, of showing up in a way that the world might not celebrate but that my soul deeply did… And, well, working under a new boss—a baby! Learning to navigate life with a job that wasn’t about books and bestsellers was an adjustment I never expected but desperately needed. It humbled me in ways that the entrepreneurial journey never did.

Today, I wait for someone to ask me what I do! Sure, I feel the inkling to mention my former bestselling title. But, the memories of his smile and the faint scent of baby formula bring forth a new dimension of honesty when I say, ‘I babysit.’

This job has made me question why the industry placed being a CEO on a higher pedestal than caring for new life. It’s never been more apparent that women are brainwashed into seeking success and productivity over owning their primordial feminine roles.

I look at my former industry and scoff at how seriously they take this stuff. They sacrifice motherhood for another million dollars and choose to work over being at home with their babies, as if chasing dollars and diplomas would ever fill the gap of the holiest (feminine) pursuit. This isn’t to say that having a business or wanting to fulfill a dream are obsolete, but it has grieved me to learn just how many women trade an elusive status over the eternal sacrament of nurturing life. After all, before we had boss babes and female business owners, we had tribal women, midwives, matriarchs, and keepers of the home.

Nevertheless, I was a ‘working woman’ once too, and I know how good those wins can feel. When we don’t know the latter, it’s easy to believe in the bottom line and to run after it no matter how far we stray from home. I don’t blame women for wanting to be something more. And God knows how long I put off homecooked meals and being present with loved ones in exchange for another success story.

But what I know now is that God placed this job in my heart and taught me the priceless value of raising children. Though I’ll always have love for publishing, writing these words to you comes from a deeper level of ‘doing the thing before writing about it.’

Nannying, and especially mothering, are just as hard as running a business—that, too, I’ve learned. So, I don’t blame you if you choose payment processors and marketing campaigns—everyone chooses their preferred ‘hard.’ And though these challenges are more centred around acid reflux and going down for nap time, they do share an equal measure of difficulty.

One of the harder aspects of this job is learning how to balance life after work. After years of working in my living room and choosing my own creative hours, being ‘on’ all day presented a new struggle in my life. Chubby cheeks and rocking a baby to sleep are the easy parts of the job description; it’s finding the energy to pour into my relationship, self-regulate, and stay awake long enough to finish a conversation, that are the challenging parts.

The first two weeks were incredibly taxing on my not-so-used-to-it body. As someone who regularly went to sleep at 5 am and slept without a care in the world, I noticed my energy levels changed, and the end-of-day exhaustion took a toll on my lifestyle. At first, I struggled to find the energy to work out, clean, cook, and still spend quality time with my partner. But after a few days, I realized that true motherhood is 24/7—if it’s hard now, it will only be harder when we have children of our own. So, I learned to prioritize what truly matters, push non-essential tasks to another day, and always pour enough into myself so that I don’t go to bed on empty.

I love cooking with my partner. I love staying up late with him and talking. I love my gua-sha routine with Japanese oils and Korean face creams. I love reading a nice magazine and engaging in deep conversations. I love 20-minute showers, basking in steam and shaving my legs with luxury soaps. And, despite how much I loveeeee these things, they were the first to go when I started this job. My beloved skincare routine? I’d be lucky if I brushed my teeth at night. Those amazing conversations? For a week, I traded them for binge-watching Lost in an attempt to sedate myself. And I think my record was three days no shower… Never mind, no shave!

Despite being confident that I would never repeat the same mistakes I made as an entrepreneur—like wearing sweatpants too often, not doing my hair and makeup, and overworking myself to the point of burnout—here, I found myself back in the trenches of exhaustion.

And then... a pivotal moment.

I recognized this job as a glimpse of the future, the perfect practice for what is yet to come. If it would get the best of me now, we stood no chance at a flourishing ever after.

One morning, on a day off, I caught a peek of myself in the mirror. My eyes were dark, my stomach was bloated, and my face was pouted in a tired way that sparked an immediate shift in consciousness: I cannot go on like this. As much as I loved this job, it couldn’t come at the expense of everything I worked so hard for. I didn’t leave a perfectly good career in publishing to find myself more overworked and burnt out than before. And it wasn’t the baby’s fault or the parents. As a matter of fact, the job was the easiest part. It was what I did afterward that needed some looking at.

On the toilet that morning, I decided that if I wanted to keep this job, I had to promise myself that I would make a better effort in my after-hours. I had to prioritize the things that filled me up and pour into what mattered to me, like my relationship, my self-care, my writing, and my health. I had to separate the new ‘nanny’ identity from the rest of me.

And so, I began the slow work of reclaiming myself—of making sure that who I was outside of this job wasn’t fading into the background. Little by little, I made space for the parts of me that had nothing to do with bottles, nap schedules, or lullabies. And in doing so, I learned something exquisite: this wasn’t just about balance. It was about stepping into a role that has existed in me since the beginning of time.

And as I made those changes, I began to see the deeper lessons unfolding before me. This wasn’t just about managing my time better; it was about witnessing, firsthand, the sacred weight of nurturing life.

Another thing I’ve learned is that Motherhood 101 is an education beyond any book or business. Its primary teachings are found in the fussy hours of the afternoon, in the innocent smiles of a baby, in the silent understanding of what a mother is going through, and in the raw and unfiltered conversations that leave us on the verge of tears.

In these few short weeks, I have learned immense lessons that no course, seminar, or YouTube video could ever teach. I have served what feels like a deeper purpose than any bestseller I’ve ever published. And there aren’t enough pages to print the lessons I picked up while caring for a baby. This experience, to me, is more than a job. It’s helping a friend, preparing for the future, getting in touch with a deeper dream, and maybe, just maybe, the beginning of something I didn’t know I was ready for.

Alas, this journey has been unexpected, humbling, and fulfilling in ways I never could have imagined. What started as a passing thought—just a fleeting conversation at dinner—has unfolded into something everlasting. I stepped into this role thinking I was simply helping out, filling a space in my (and a mother’s) life that had felt uncertain. But in reality, it was God’s way of guiding me toward something I didn’t even know my heart was longing for.

Through quiet afternoons, baby giggles, and wisdom imparted over protein shakes and baby formula, I’ve come to understand that success isn’t always found in titles, launches, or the next big project. Mostly, it’s found in the sacred moments with a baby. And somewhere between the afternoon bottle feedings and the quiet drives home, I realized this experience was shaping me in ways I hadn’t anticipated. The lessons weren’t just about childcare—they were about patience, presence, and the kind of service that asks for nothing in return. In the simplest moments, I was absorbing wisdom that no career milestone had ever given me.

This chapter has shown me that fulfillment comes in many forms—and sometimes, the work that the world doesn’t glorify is the very work that changes us the most. Maybe this isn’t just a pause in my journey as a publisher. Maybe it’s an opening, a redirection toward something even deeper, richer, and more aligned than I could have ever planned. And maybe it was a path I was meant to walk all along.

For now, I am honored to be crowned the title of a cherished ‘nanny.’

And, just before I sign off, I would like to take a moment to extend my soul-deep gratitude to the mama, friend, and guide I’m privileged to work with and for. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to ask for help, to relinquish control, and most importantly, to trust. I couldn’t ask for a better friend to do this for.

Xx

Sarah Elle